do i get it?????

each time hannah gets sick, everyone seems worried about whether i understand how serious hannah's decline in health really is. if i understand just how quickly she could go. if i get it....

well the mary jane i present to the world smiles sweetly and says softly, "yes... i've known her whole life i could lose her at any time. every minute of every day the thought never leaves me. it will be hard but it get it."

however.... the inside of my i rarely show the world is screaming... HELL NO I DON'T GET IT! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET IT! PARENTS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BURY THEIR CHILDREN...

won't it be ok and somewhat normal if i never 'get it'?

I don't know who I'll be without Hannah here with me. I know where she's going - I have no doubts and thank God everyday that He created a heaven where i will be reunited with her, my other 4 babies, my dear mother and grandmothers (I've had so much loss in my life). I was sure I'd stop breathing when my mother died but I didn't. I think my biggest fear is not losing Hannah but having to survive without her. It would be so much easier if I stop breathing too.

I've had an epiphany...
I was created...
every hurt...
every joy...
every pain and every experience in my life was
devinely orchestrated so that I could be
the best mommy to an earth angel named Hannah.
And if God chose to never cast another blessing my way...
this one gift will last me forever.

new to blogging....

I'm smack in the middle of a life changing event and I don't want to miss a minute of it. You see.... my youngest daughter is having some serious health issues due to a very rare condition she was born with. Just as I celebrated her birth and didn't want to miss a minute of it... I may be experiencing her death and as crazy as it sounds.... I don't was to miss a single minute of it. Let me try to explain....

There's just nothing in this world worse than having something wrong with your child except losing that child. I have been giving an incredible gift. The gift of an angel child. Hannah knows no hate, no sadness, no condemnation.... nothing but love. She is surrounded by love and is pure love. A true gift. My greatest gift and I thank god everyday for loving me so very much. I'm rambling I know. It's just that I know time is short and her passing will be so very hard. I've been busy processing my thoughts and I don't want to miss anything about her whether it be her life or her legacy.

Here's a peek into my life with a very special little girl.... hold on because it's a bumpy ride!